The G.C.H.E.E.S.E

 

I was looking for a job on the Google Website and this is seriously Too cool for words. I just had to post this.

Google Copernicus Center is hiring

Google is interviewing candidates for engineering positions at our lunar hosting and research center, opening late in the spring of 2007. This unique opportunity is available only to highly-qualified individuals who are willing to relocate for an extended period of time, are in top physical condition and are capable of surviving with limited access to such modern conveniences as soy low-fat lattes, The Sopranos and a steady supply of oxygen.

The Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in Search Engineering (G.C.H.E.E.S.E.) is a fully integrated research, development and technology facility at which Google will be conducting experiments in entropized information filtering, high-density high-delivery hosting (HiDeHiDeHo) and de-oxygenated cubicle dwelling. This center will provide a unique platform from which Google will leapfrog current terrestrial-based technologies and bring information access to new heights of utility.

Why a lunar location?

It’s a logical question to ask. Google’s current engineering facilities in the United States, India and Switzerland are all leaders in search technology development. However, by locating a research and technology center on the Moon, Google engineers will be able to experiment with an entirely different set of parameters. For example, imagine tapping unlimited solar energy to drive megawatt data centers and power innumerable arrays of massively parallel lava lamps, with ample no-cost cooling available to regulate the temperature of server farms sprawling over acres of land unblighted by sentient lifeforms or restrictive zoning ordinances.

Moreover, Google’s Copernicus Center will provide a clear ear on the chatter of the universe, the vast web of electromagnetic pulses that may contain signals from intelligent life forms in other galaxies, as well as a complete record of every radio or television signal broadcast from our own planet. Google’s goal is to extract information from that cacophonous web and make it available to anyone with a mouse and a modem. Imagine discovering not only alien attempts at communication with Earth, but also such heretofore unavailable cultural treasures as Pink Floyd’s 1968 appearance on the BBC and the tragically lost first season of “Iron Chef.”

With the establishment of the Copernicus Center, Google’s mission has grown beyond “organizing the world’s information and making it universally accessible and useful.” Our new goal is to “organize all the useful information in the universe and serve it to you on a lightly salted cracker.”

What are the challenges?

The first non-trivial challenge is building a lunar base. Google began drawing up plans for the construction of a lunar facility in the Copernicus Crater early in 1998, when the company’s founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin were still graduate students at Stanford University. Applying a Patel extrapolation to Rosing linear projections, Page and Brin predicted that every man, woman and child on earth would be conducting at least seven searches a day by the year 2018. While their projections correctly predicted random spikes in search traffic due to wardrobe malfunctions, they failed to adequately factor in the hyperbolic trajectory of Britney Spears, which accelerated the rate of global search growth by a factor of seven.

Google’s initial base, a spherical structure containing living quarters and a small data center, will take two and a half years to construct. This first G.C.H.E.E.S.E ball has been christened “the Googlunaplex” and will be populated by a dedicated cadre of software engineers, hardware operations technicians, cable installers, quantum mechanics and space planners. Google is firmly committed to using only earth-originated staffers and no jobs will be outsourced to lunar residents or those from other planetary systems unless the skill sets they offer cannot be easily replicated by native born terrestrials.

The Googlunaplex will house 35 engineers, 27,000 low cost web servers, 2 massage therapists and a sushi chef formerly employed by the pop group Hanson.

Searching the heavens

Once the facility is built, the real work begins. Google will be exploring a number of exciting research projects that have the potential to advance search science to a new frontier. Among the questions Googlunars will seek to answer are:

  • Exactly how far does the Worldwide web extend? Can it become an interplanetary utility? If so, will it replace Water Works on Monopoly®?
  • What are the likely effects of link attenuation over extreme distances? Is there a limit to link strength, or is it infinitely extensible like bubble gum that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe?
  • What happens to PageRank in the proximity of a black hole? Is there distortion that might result in link relevancy reduction or popularity warping? Could this somehow be harnessed to generate more dates for engineers?
  • Does spam go on forever?
  • New rules. New tools The rules of coding will literally be stood on their head at the Copernicus Center, as the absence of gravity plays havoc with the normal ordering of data. Search results lacking in substance may rise to positions of prominence while those possessed of a desirable gravitas may become negatively buoyant. Simple computing exercises, such as building a list inverter become problematic when “up” or “down” are not clearly defined, and subroutines are disrupted when values increment six times faster than in Earth gravity.

    Obviously, a new set of tools for computing in the unforgiving conditions of deep space is needed. This month, Google will release version 10.0 of an operating system that has been optimized for the demands of extra-terrestrial computation. Known as “Luna/X,” the new command architecture is impervious to radiation, low gravity, absolute zero temperatures and airless environments. Even the most intricate scripts coded in Luna/X can withstand the harsh conditions of lunar operation for months, if not years.

    Luna/X will be made available to terrestrial developers free of charge and a testing environment will be constructed to replicate the conditions under which the code will likely be deployed. Through a partnership with an as yet unnamed hamburger chain, Luna/X engineers will be able to simulate a lunar work environment by ingesting tasteless freeze-dried nutritional byproducts while coding in noisy, crowded quarters suitably lacking any trace of atmosphere.

Life in the Googlunaplex

The Googlunaplex is a working environment that will be unique both because of its location and its design. Based on a working model constructed by Google co-founder Larry Page from Lego® Mindstorms™, the facility features compact living quarters and a state of the art server farm that are co-mingled to maintain a delicate bio-technical balance. In traditional Google style, space will be used with extreme efficiency, with Googlunars sharing quarters with machines that generate search results as well as enough heat to warm the entire Googlunaplex and several hot tubs.

Naturally, Google’s earth-based culture will be replicated as closely as possible. An extreme sushi chef will harvest kelp and aquatic life from giant lava lamp oxygenators and the living space will be filled with colorful rubber balls (because of space constraints, they will be sub-atomic in size). There will be a steady supply of snacks and ample caffeine replenishment through a partnership with Starbucks, which will be opening a store less than a kilometer away in early 2006. Leagues for reduced gravity roller hockey games are already forming and massage therapists are undergoing special training on how to induce stress to counter the effects of a low-gravity lifestyle.

too apply now go here!

GOOGLE. YOU ARE TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: